LAST UPDATED
Monday May 08, 2006 10:45 PM -0600 GMT

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"My son thought it was a flying puppy," said Whittingham, still shaken over the incident with his only pet. "I thought it was far too large and wily to be any sort of chipmunk or squirrel."

The four-legged creature aggressively warded off attempts by Whittingham's cat to investigate it's presence in the neighborhood.

"She ran past me on the deck, tail between her legs, with a low growl I haven't heard from her before.  I looked around for other bully cats from the block or perhaps a stray hound from one of the hillbillies, then I saw this thing, this giant thing in the corner of my eye," said Whittingham.

At first he thought it to be some sort of flying dinosaur that came unthawed due to global warming. His wife Janice assured him otherwise.

"We haven't seen too many squirrels on the power lines," said Janice Benwell, Whittingham's partner.  "It's understandable James thought it to be something unusual, I guess."

While Softest remains hidden under old furniture, area residents have been combing the streets calling out the names of their cats and small dogs. 

"I think someone called the police," said Whittingham, who hopes the vermin can be caught and life can get back to normal on his street.

"I miss the sirens, screams, thumbing bass and general tire screeching around here. You don't know what you have until it's gone."

New segment: "Dialing for Whittinghams!"

My last name Whittingham is a relatively rare last name so I decide to cold call up a random Whittingham on Skype and see if we're related. This week's guest: Veniese Whittingham from the United States, originally from Jamaica. Turns out there's all kinds of us Whittinghams in Jamaica. 

(Left: Veniese Whittingham, my long lost relative.)

JamesPod-10 (23 mins) 22 MB - 128bps stereo

Here's a short clip from the show (MP3)

A sociological experiment for the ages...

When I heard stories from two woman podcasters I know getting constantly sexually harassed on Skype (an audio chat program similar to MSN), I decided to take the plunge.  Since no one contacted me as a man, I changed my Skype I.D. to that of a female named 'Cindy' who is 22 years old.

• Direct link to the show's MP3 file

Then I recorded forty or so phrases with an artificial female computer voice.  I loaded these audio files into a special computer program that allowed me to click on them and instantly hear any given phrase.  This way I could carry out a conversation.  At least that was the plan. 

Well guess what, it worked the first time and over 90% of the time since.  I can't believe what pigs we men are!  Innocent conversations turned naughty in an instant.

This show is twenty-five minutes of some of the most ridiculous stuff I've ever been involved with. 

I intended to try this as a new segment, but I'll leave up to you as to whether I should do it again. One possibility would be to have my readers/listeners come up with the twenty phrases each week that I have to use with each caller and I'll see how long I can keep the conversation going. 

• View screenshot of sound files

WARNING: This podcast (JamesPod #10) is not family safe or work safe or safe in any sense of the word.  Also, please don't eat or drink during the podcast, just to be safe.

Email your comments to

mailsack@jameswhittingham.com

Thank you!

Special Guests: local filmmaker L. Dean and non-fiction television writer/producer Monica Petroski.

L. discusses his cast and crew party for a Zombie film that premieres this weekend in Regina.

Monica talks about a professional card reading that correctly predicted a fire in her house days later! Plus, will another prediction that a 'blonde man' trying to break up her long-term relationship come true?  We ask her about her reservations and also about a stunning announcement she makes on the show.

Global Vibrants podcast continues to battle with JamesPod.  This week, they insult James and his beloved country of Canada.

James tries a tip from the Canadian Podcast Buffet and records a podcast 'double ender' Skype interview with Farmer Scott who was way out in the Qu'Appelle Valley.

Links mentioned on the show:
Broca's Area podcast
James Interview on Broca's Area
Global Vibrants podcast

"I can't fucking believe this, now everyone will be judging me. It's not my fucking fault."

Sure enough, long-time Whittingham friend and former comedy partner Kevin Allardyce was not surprised.

"Quelle surprise!" said Allardyce, laughing as he quoted one of his top seven phrases.  "Couldn't see that coming."

"Oh yeah, James is quite the pottymouth," added Mr. Allardyce, who was first to educate James as to what the term 'hot lunch' means in street vernacular.

Whittingham was defensive about Allardyce's comments.

"Quelle surprise? What is that, French or Latin?  How am I going to type that up for my blog if I can't spell it correctly?"

"He thinks he's Bill fucking Cosby because he's got two kids and I only have one," continued Whittingham.  "Well let me tell you, it's not fucking easy being a parent these days.  Fucking cunt, who does he think he is, anyway, Bill Cosby?  Oh yeah, I already said that."

Mr. Whittingham claims he and his wife have taken too many chances around their toddler, assuming because he doesn't fully talk yet, he won't pick up the occasional, accidental four-letter word spoken by his parents.

"He says it when he drops something or when one of his parents drops something," said Whittingham, noting that he and his wife Janice must have used it in that context and not noticed.

Social Services will be investigating the incident and will release a report to the media in a few weeks.  Until then, two year-old Aiden remains in the custody of his parents.

• Related Sound Clip

"I mean he just jellied up and went in," says the thirty-nine year old blogger. "It was like that scene in Fletch where he sang "Moon River." The doc really punched it in there and he didn't even offer to buy me a drink first."

Mr. Whittingham's prostate was normal, as were his other bodily functions, including his testes, which were also briefly fondled in the search for tumors.

He goes for a follow up of his blood work later in March and is looking forward to next year's checkup in 363 days and fourteen and a half hours.

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